i realy hate it when phil has to go out to the field. its not that i cant handle my kids, because i can... thats not even an issue. but heres the thing: when you are a military mom, you are lonely but never alone. i always have my kids and they are great, but i miss having another person to converse with. marcus is so cute. he says little sentences and words but its not enough to make me feel like im not lonely anymore. i think maybe its harder with this whole postpartum thing and im trying to deal with it all without meds so its a little more frustrating.

our family left a couple of weeks ago, and its been really sucky without them here. life was so much more fun with them here. i felt like there was more than just going through the day. i miss josh and debbie so much since they've been gone. it just makes me want to go home to arizona and never come bac to north dakota. its still september and its only 50 degrees outside... i hate it. im an arizona girl and i need my scorching heat!

its nap time. thank god.

` oh wow ,

I totally forgot about my blog until now. How could I be so silly!!

Well there is a lot going on. Aubree is about to be born. Only 5 weeks left! WOW!! Time goes by so fast! I have to go in later today for ultrasounds though... apparently everything is not okay with me and baby, so we will see what happens.

And Marcus is about to be TWO YEARS OLD on the 22nd of this month... omg wtf time is seriously going by wayyyyyy too fast!

I miss Phil though, he's out in the field until Friday. I hate being alone. Oh and there was a weird power outage on base today and my house is sooo dang hot. The AC is not working fast enough!!

Okay well nighty night and I will post after my doctor appointment later.

` something special ,

Phil and I have something very special, and I love him more than anything.

Seriously, we are like Edward and Bella... soul mates and eternal lovers.

I love him! I love him! I love him! I can't say it enough.

And soon we will be together, like we are meant to be. Together with our family.

My doctor appointment is later this morning, so we will see what happens! *crosses fingers*

_______________________________

oh and for the record, to answer my own previous questions...

1] Yes, they are keeping Taylor as Jacob for New Moon

2] Yes, Dakota is playing Jane... a perfect fit.

Now I cant wait til 03.21.2009 and 11.21.2009

*does happy dance*

` twilight ,

So I am reading all of the books for the second time (and not the last by a long shot). I loved the movie and I am in the middle of reading the rough copy of midnight sun. I guess it's never coming out though, stupid internet leakers. Oh well, I guess I'll be happy with what I get.

But there are two big questions I have:

1] Is Jacob still going to be played by Taylor? I will cry if it's someone else.

2] Have they officially set Dakota Fanning as Jane? Cuz that would be crazy.

Okay going back to reading now. Byee.

` G O . C A R D I N A L S ,

WOO HOOOOOO

LET'S GO CARDINALS!!

IT'S [Y]OUR TIME TO SHINE!!

LET'S TACKLE THIS NFC CHAMPIONSHIP AND TAKE IT TO THE SUPERBOWL!!!

[can anyone guess who I am going for??]

` crazy ,

Gahhh!! I feel like I am going crazy... missing Phil more every second. It's not right to be married and separated from my other half. I feel like he's one half of me because without Phil here, I only feel like half of myself. Marcus doesn't count because no matter what, I give him one hundred percent of myself, one hundred percent of the time.

But when it comes to being separated from the one I love [Philip], it hurts to be alone. To sleep alone, to eat alone, to shower alone... don't cringe. We're married and allowed to do that [coughmomcough]. I've even degressed to being jealous of Trish and Josh *gasp* when they go out every night and spend their nights together... it just makes me upset. Weird, huh? I don't know how to explain it. It sucks while he's at Camp Bullis because I can't just call him or text him and be able to talk to him. I have to wait til he has time to call me, and even then... the phone reception is horrible.

I'm sure those of you who are in the military understand completely, but I don't think anyone else could empathize.

Ha I must go for now... Marcus has my phone

` damn it feels good to be a cardinal ,

Damn it feels good to be a Cardinal fan right about now. And I mean a true Cardinal fan... not one of those

"Oh my gee!! The [sucky ass] Cardinals made it to the playoffs!! I'm soooo super happy to [not] be a fan!! AHHHH!!"

Ha ha I hate you fair-weather fans... you make me sick.

Anyways, now that I've metaphorically puked on those fakers, I would like to say how proud and honored I am to be able to see the team I have always believed in make to the NFC Championship game. It's awesome that their hard work and devotion has paid off!!

My superbowl prediction as of right now is the Cardinals and the Ravens... a duel of the birds.

*crosses fingers* LET'S GO CARDINALS! LET'S GO! *clap clap*

` Do you feel ,

Sometimes I feel like I dont... but I obviously do. This is a venting/upset blog, so feel free to read if you want or you may skip it... up to you.

Mark, Marcus, and I were sitting at the table eating dinner when my sister texted me:

Rachel: "Is your new family more important than your old one"

Me: "WTF why would you say that?"

Rachel: "Because you never talk to us. You didn't text me and asked if I had fun in Page, you didn't ask how my first day at my new school went, you live with them... and you argue with almost everyone with the last name robinson"

Ouch. At first I was furious, then I was hurt. I tried to call their house to talk to her. When I told my mom what she said, she refused to let me talk to Rachel and tried to defend her and tell me there's a diplomatic solution to every problem.

Whatever. My sister then proceeded to tell me I am wrong and she is right and that she doesn't even feel like we're sisters anymore.

How does she think it's going to be when we go to Minot? Hmmmm? Does she think I'm going to call every single day? Wrong. I don't even like to talk much on the phone. Seriously, why do you think I always text, email, comment, IM, etc? Everyone knows I don't love to hug the phone to my ear and chat about anything and everything (unless it's Phil).

Yeah, I guess I am a little pissed, a lot hurt, and partially stunned at her sudden poison of tongue. And it's still going on!! She's STILL arguing with me!!

Just now:

Rachel: "Really? Then why dont you live here?"

Me: "Because I cant get along with dad" (which is true... we really dont get along at all and it's just not worth the stress and fighting to me)

Rachel: "His last name is robinson, you argued with him. and you argued with me"

Me: "Have a nice night."

Rachel: "See you know I'm right."

Me: "You are not right and I'm not giving into this childish game."

Rachel: "Game? Childish? That's the only thing you can say huh and if you really wanted to talk to me you would've called my phone. Not to bitch at mom. It's not like she put me up to this."

And I am not going to respond. Seriously, I'm not giving in to it, like I usually do. Everyone seems to think that it's MY responsibility to call and no one should ever have to call me to stay in contact. WHY IS THAT!?!?!

` pfft yeah right ,

I'm sitting here, bored as usual, watching a movie with Mark. Grandma left today, Josh is out with Trish, and Debbie's at work... so it's just me, baby boy, and Mark. I'm missing Phil so much that it hurts. Like I feel as though I may become physically ill from missing him so bad. Is that weird? I think it's just a little thing called heartache.

So what to have for dinner? Who knows? Somehow I see pizza in our immediate future lol. I guess we'll see what happens.

And right now I am really frustrated. Everytime I give Marcus something to play with, someone takes it away from him and overrides my authority. Take last night for example... I gave Marcus a dvd case to play with and someone *not saying who* argued with me that he's not allowed to have it and took it away from him... after I told that person that I allowed him to have it in the first place. Also, last night at the Olive Garden, I gave Marcus a bite of my pizza. One of the people dining out with us decided that the bite I gave him was too big and that Josh would be better equipped to watch Marcus. HOW MESSED UP IS THAT?

Sorry... I just had to vent. Since when did any other relative override the parent?

` Round in Circles ,

Today has been the hardest day so far for me since Phil has gone back to Lackland. I have missed him so much today. In the last couple of days, it feels like I've hardly talked to him. Of course, he is at Camp Bullis, so his communication might be cut short and he might be extremely tired, but I miss him all the same.

I'm cutting it short for tonight. I'm tired and starting to tear.

Good night.